I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This is the high leading the old right now
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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