It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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