you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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