apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
