So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
