I bet he comes in French.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
