Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
