I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
