in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
