Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
