I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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