so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
