Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
