So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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