thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
