It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
