I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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