Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
