So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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