I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
