That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
