hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
