I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
