So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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