i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
