she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
