I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if only i could text you this smell
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
