I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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