i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
