Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
