so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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