i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
