I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
