the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
