I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
