Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
