I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
