Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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