you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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