my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
