he puts the penis in happiness.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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