I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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