What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
