Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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