your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
