i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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