I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
