I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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