Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just threw up on my dentist
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
