Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
