the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
