does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
