What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
